playing with rocks

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i feel like a kid.
it’s nothing new, i often feel like one. but today it’s really apparent, i’ve got my toys out.
it’s raining and chilly outside. it looks like an april skating rink out there and i don’t want to move.
so i’ve been playing with rocks: tourmaline, citrine, sodalite, to name a few.
i’ve been picking them up and feeling their weight.
the hematite is silky smooth and heavy. i let it sit between my legs at my root.
i put the rose quartz on my heart and just breathe.
the amethyst’s jagged edges scratch at my forehead reminding me to look and see with my other eye, the one that doesn’t blink.
don’t tell anyone, but i’m lying on the couch as i write this, my laptop propped on my legs. this is the only way i can get the stones to stay put. it must be quite the sight but the dog doesn’t seem to mind.

my partner asked me if I am becoming “all wooey wooey”.
and you see, this is the thing. as a yoga teacher, i’ve always had a fear of being perceived as “granola” (and i’m not talking about the goodness of breakfast cereal).
my sister thinks I’m pretty close to wearing socks and birkenstocks. she teases me about being flaky because i love to touch trees and be barefoot in the grass. i get really excited about lichen and moss. Sometimes i want to eat lilacs because their perfume is so intoxicating, it transports me into another reality.
in the past three weeks of my yoga classes, we’ve been exploring the chakras. we started at the base and are working our way up. next week my classes will be themed around the heart chakra.
it’s a pretty new-agey concept i guess, but when you let go of the stereotypes and start to connect with the meanings and ideas behind those little balls of energy, the practice has the potential to show you exactly where you are.
the base of the spine asks: am i actually holding myself on my own two feet? am i living a stable, balanced life?
the second chakra begs you to look deeply into your pelvis: am i connected to my creativity, my sensuality? do i still know how to take pleasure in my life and have fun?
i am certainly not trying to spin my chakras back into alignment.
i am not wearing rose-colored glasses either.
i think i am pretty grounded even though i sometimes dip my feet into magical territory.
i’m not trying to convince you.

the truth is, it is my groundedness that allows me to explore the mystical aspects of life without getting lost and without floating away. when i take the time to dig my toes into the dirt i am always reminded of where i came from and why I’m here.

so why am i telling you all this?
perhaps because i’ve been sitting with ideas.
i’ve been wanting to take myself in a (slightly) different direction.
i imagine some tiny little gnomes tugging at my hands: this way! No, no! this way!
it’s no surprise i guess. i have this thing with duality as you may have noticed.
my head tells me to be rational, to let go of the dreamland.
it also warns me of what people might think or say if i showed them what i carry in my coat pockets – gasp!
but my heart… my heart wants to pick up feathers and cedar. it wants to talk to foxes and whales.
my hands want to make food to feed your soul. they want to lay sweetgrass across your throat and help you sing.
i want to tell you how beautiful you are, how much you are loved.

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i am navigating the sea of possibilities right now. i’ll let you know where it takes me, i promise.
maybe there is a way to do it all. i don’t know yet.
in the meantime i am enjoying spending time with my stones.

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8 thoughts on “playing with rocks

  1. My dearest Child,
    You are one of the most grounded persons I know! Searching for one’s place and one’s true self is a constant and ongoing venture. It never ends for it is the way of being fully alive. Do not settle for middle answers, they paralyze you. Stay connected with yourself and with others. Je t’aime grand comme l’univers,
    Mom

  2. To see with the eye that does not blink. Refreshing words and lovely thoughts. I luv it, please write more. Glad to see I ain’t the only one to desire the sweet taste of lilacs. Be well. Merci 🙂

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